i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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