Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
