I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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