I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
