You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
