I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
