here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
