the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
