I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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