Whod you bang
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
