4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
