im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
