on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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