I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
