I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize