happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
