Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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