best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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