I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
