i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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