I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
