I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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