2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
