I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
