Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
