Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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