Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
