I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
