Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
