It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
