my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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