My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
