If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He has the fingertips of a God
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
