You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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