so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up under a house in Key West
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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