dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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