Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
