In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
