SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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