Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
