after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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