why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
