I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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