I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
