So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
