Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
