It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
