Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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