I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
