I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
