I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
