I got chris browned last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
