i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
