Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Jerry, you need to find god
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
