I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need moral support for this bender
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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