i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
