my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
