Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
