I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
