I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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