i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize