Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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