oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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