If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
