She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die, sorry about rent.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
