i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
