Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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