she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
