I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
