I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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