If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
