I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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