Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
