i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize