My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
