the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just tell him i said nine months
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
