i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
