if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
