tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
