You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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