i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
