i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
