dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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