Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
