you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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