i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
