yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
