so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize