i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
