They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
