either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
and you fell through a lawn chair
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
