you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
