we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
