It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
