I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
