I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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