I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
