just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
