Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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