bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
