we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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