Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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